So today is finally coming to an end, and what an unexpected and fun day it was. On the whim I decided to join my sister while she went to a free journalism workshop here at our local library, I can count how many life changing experiences I have had on my one hand…and this would definitely be one of them. Today was such a defining moment for me as a writer, it was like the teacher switched on the light and in an instant any dark thoughts I ever had about me being a writer was gone. And to think I laughed at my sister for trying to sign up for all these free activities at all the libraries here in Pittsburgh, now I can’t wait to return next week and I hope it continues for the whole summer and not just the next two days that they have scheduled.
I was so touched and inspired by this workshop that I was almost brought to tears. The teacher shared so much insight into what it means to be a writer/journalist that it would take me pages upon pages to actually describe here on my blog. So I will share my favorites…
- Get It On Paper…
- Go with what’s in your heart…
- Honor whatever it is that you write…
We also discuss healing in writing, but that’s just too deep for me to even get into at this moment. All I can say is that today May 7, 2012 I now know that I am supposed to be a writer, that I am to continue to tell my story and by doing so I am indeed doing what’s best for me. The even crazier part is that I was in the middle of writing a blog post discussing how I was truly ready to follow my dream…and along came this opportunity to attend a workshop that only a few minutes I had no idea my sister had signed up for. Not only did I share my writing for the first time out loud, but it was also in front of complete strangers. I don’t know, I’m just on such a natural high from this evening that I can’t wait to go back, today has been such a blessing…it was definitely something that I needed.
Posted in #HYLC, Blogging, Life, Love, Me, Pittsburgh, Thoughts
Tagged blogging, life, love, me, random, thoughts, writing
WHOA…so today marks the 2nd month of the New Year…this also happens to be my birthday month (February)! Is it just me or is 2013 going by faster than 2012? I can’t believe we are already one month down in the New Year, and in 12 days I will be 28! Where did the time go? It’s definitely a blessing to be able to see another New Year and another birthday…especially when I have lost a lot of friends in the past few years…friends who’ll never get to see another birthday or celebrate another new year. So with that said, just like everyone else I want to start off 2013 on the “Good Foot” and leave the past in the past and embrace what the future has to offer.
So far…it’s been going very well, and already I have learned new lessons. Like not allowing myself to dwell on things I can’t change or didn’t go my way. Recently I have allowed myself to step away from my on again/off again relationship with my ex. If you know me or even follow me on Twitter then you know how treacherous that relationship has been for the past few years. Don’t get me wrong, my ex is a good guy…but we as a couple couldn’t work out. Half being my fault, and half being his fault…so with all that being said, I am glad that I have finally got over that hump and have picked up and moved on.
And like they say when one door closes, another one opens, and I am happy to say I am starting something new with a new guy, I like to refer to him as “Mister” lol. But so far our journey is going down the right path. It’s nice to have someone who is so kind and patient with me because I can be a lot to handle. Even though he’s been in my life for a short period of time he makes me very happy…but enough with the lovey dovey stuff lol.
This year, if there is one goal I set for myself, it is to get rid of old habits, old doubts and old regrets and allow good things to happen to me without second guessing myself. I just re-applied for school, I am finally starting to get a handle on things at the new job…and if I’m lucky a new car is in the near future. I also hope to try to blog more, as of recently I have fallen back in love with writing and even reading…which is crazy because I can’t remember the last time I read a book and actually finished it. I’m also hopping to add new features on the blog, like more vlogs and reviews on some of my favorite things.
But yeah, that’s really all I have to say for now…its best I start getting ready for the day ahead. So now that you know how I plan on enhancing my life in 2013…what are some things you plan on letting go of and allowing to happen for you in 2013?
Posted in Blogging, Everyday Shit, Life, Love, Me, Thoughts, Uncategorized
Tagged 2013, blog, blogging, life, me
So if you are a regular reader of my blog, Tumblr, Instagram and definitely my Twitter account or maybe even all four of them…then you are very aware that I am very single. It’s probably one of the things I complain most about. For this…I am sorry, but I can’t help it…I am a relationship type of gal!
I have been involved in my share of crappy relationships, and now that I am 27 and soon to be 28 in like 4 short months I am SOOOO ready to find a nice man to settle down with. I graduated from high school in 2004, and since then I have seen at least 5 or 6 classmates, teammates and people I grow up with get hitched, and a few even start their own little families. Then there’s me *womp womp*, I can’t even really say that I have been in a real serious relationship. Yes there was the proposal via text from my on again off again then ex boyfriend while he was in the military…but that was short lived due to the fact that he thought he impregnated a young woman while he was stationed in Cali…yes I have horrible taste in men. But back to what I was saying, I have no idea what it means to be in a grown-up relationship. You know like when the relationship doesn’t have to be a secret…or if date night doesn’t always consist of sitting on the couch watching Netflix and then having your brains bang out only to do it all over the next day. It’s also the type where you both equally exchange gifts of gratitude and “just because”…and your birthday is not a negotiable event. I long for the day when I can share mushy pictures of me and my guy on Instagram and change my Facebook relationship status to “Courtney Lynn Keeton is in a relationship with Seriously A. Guy” and the A is for AWESOM…until then I continue to keep kissing a bunch of frogs that just turn into nothing but even bigger toads. And when I do think that I may have something that resembles a relationship it blows up on me, and I find myself being the only one with a face full of shit.
After things constantly not going my way, I seriously had to pause for a minute and ask myself “Why do I keep ending up butt hurt over horrible horrible guys?” “Why am I constantly getting lied to and cheated on?” and the worst thing I ever questioned was “Maybe I’m not capable of being loved…MAYBE IT’S ME?” Now don’t get me wrong…the “Maybe it’s me” question is a very plausible question to ask oneself, but in this scenario its not. What has happened is that I’ve allowed all of these negative relationships to cause me to question if I deserved to be with someone who wanted to see and make me happy. Like I seriously started to feel that I can’t be loved, and for god sakes that’s a horrible way to go thru life…feeling like you are unworthy of love. So if you’re reading this and you happen to be feeling this way…STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!! Each and every one of else is worthy of being love…we just have to stop giving ourselves to people who have no real intentions or just plain don’t want to love us or even for a matter of fact like us.
If you’re anything like me and my girls, we are VERY giving, so giving it’s to a fault. We seem to have this mindset that if we give this and give that he’ll see how awesome we are and love us right…but we always end up WRONG AS FUCK! What happens is said dude ends up with all these awesome gifts from us, and when I say gifts I don’t mean only material or tangible gifts…I mean gifts as in just US period as a whole. We give them all this emotional support, mental support, spiritual support, sometimes financial support and if you’re like me you even give them great freak nasty ass sex…but they still aren’t happy and end up leaving or going off to “figure out what it is that I want” right? Well when this usually happens and I go complain to my mom about it… and you know what she always tells me, she says “When will you get it Courtney, these guys that you seem to get so hurt over…never really liked you! You’re an awesome girl, and make a hell of a girlfriend…just not for him.” So you see it doesn’t matter how much you do for someone…if he doesn’t like you…he doesn’t like you. So now that I’ve said that, I want to say this…IT’S NOT YOU…it’s him. And it always doesn’t have to just be that he doesn’t like you, it can also be that he just too damn immature and can’t fucking handle all this good shit you’re throwing his way…and when I say throwing I don’t just mean the box(LOL). Some guys just aren’t ready for it, and yes it sucks when he seems to be all READY with the next girl…and in that case…it was you, but not in the YOU as in “You can’t be loved” you…it was more of what I said earlier with the whole he just doesn’t like you like that statement…if that makes any sense. AND THAT’S OK…what’s not ok is allowing him and any other crappy guys to bring you down and cause you to question your ability to be love. With that said…
I don’t know everything, I don’t want to sit here and act like I know all the answers…and I’m not saying that this blog post holds weight for everyone…but it does for me. But what do I know, I’m a 27 year old single black female who’s just reflecting on past mistakes and finally starting to get it. That’s All!
No real reason for the face...LOL
***I wrote this earlier today while on my way to work***
Since I haven’t blogged in a min…I guess it’s fitting that I hit you up with a few updates and some inspirational thoughts that I’ve been repeating to myself to keep me from going off the deep end. So where to start….
Lets see, well my 27th birthday came and went with not a lot of fan fare. My sis hooked me up and my best friend since grade school made reservations for us at this cute restaurant not to far from where I stay.
As for my love life…I tried rekindling an old flame already knowing that I should have stomped it out and smothered it instead. Everything happened just like I knew it would…I came…I fell hard…and I got shitted on…kicked out…ended up being very ratchet outside his apartment screaming his name…then forced to walk home in shame! LOL…now even though I’m super bummed about it…I only have myself to blame. I mean I know that he had his ways and I had mine, so I know that it wasn’t going to work…but the hopeless romantic in me told me to give it one more try.
And in between that…I thought I would try my hands at trying to “get to know” someone in another state(since me and said guy from here weren’t in a “committed relationship”)…well that didn’t work out either. I can’t stand a guy who is overly aggressive and overly sexual…just a huge turn off for me. So he ended that with a “Just pretend that I’m dead” and a “CLICK”…he was way to DRAMATIC for me at that point!
So now I’m here, siting on the bus on my way to work wondering how I can turn all this negativity into a positive before I sink more into depression…and well I’m not exactly sure how to do that yet.
But I do know there are a lot of changes I’m hoping to make during the summer, and I know that I want to move to a different state and I want to go back to school…I also want to fall back in love with writing and music. So with all these things I have lined up on my “To Do” list, maybe I should use all this negative energy as fuel to cross off everything on my list by the end of the summer!
I don’t know, but I do know writing this here on my iPhone feels really good…nothing like letting out your emotions for the public to read and scrutinize LOL!
Oh and here’s an inspirational/positive quote:
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most”
Posted in Blogging, Life, Love, Music, Regret, Thoughts
Tagged blogging, funny, life, love, me, regret, toughts
*I wrote this over 3-4 days. It’s mostly a rant that I wanted to get out but had no one to talk to at the time…so I wrote them down in my iPhone and turned it into a blog post*
Being in love with someone when you don’t think they feel the same about you has to be one of the worse feelings in the world.
For me it’s close to morning the death of a loved one. But unlike death…that person is still walking, breathing and living life as if you never were a factor. For the past 6 years I have been in love with a man who obviously never cared or loved me as much as I did him. I’m starting to tear up as I write this post, because I feel “unimportant” “unsexy” and like “nothing”. I feel unloved and a failure, I’ve wanted nothing but to be married and a mother. And for the past 6 years I only pictured myself doing all of that with one person. I feel like, no matter how hard I try I can never do anything right. I feel like I can’t escape a past that has shaped me into the woman I am. And I can’t stop being angry for what hasn’t gone right in my life.
And all that running and all that anger is why I think my last relationship didn’t work…and also why my dating life has been is disarray!
While laying on the couch I came across Oprah and she said “Let go of the past…and the anger that is holding us back from moving on!” And that’s when it hit me, I need to let go of everything and everyone that has hurt me. I need to take them as lessons and use them the next time love comes back around.
I mean I don’t know…I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, and there are a lot of things that I need to change before I try to get involved with someone again. And hopefully when the time does present itself I can accept it and allow someone to care about me…also hopefully I can let got of the hurt and anger from my previous failed relationship.
I just want to let go!
“I wanna tell the whole world about a friend of mine. This little light of mine and I’m finna let it shine. I’m finna take yall back to them better times. I’m finna talk about my mama if yall don’t mind…” -Hey Mama by Kanye West
February 13, 1985 my mother, Cassandra gave birth to her first born…ME! I sometimes wonder if she knew then what she knew now if she would have even kept my black behind lol. You see I have always been somewhat of a pain in the butt for my mother. Even while in the womb I gave her complications.
Ok, so is it just me…or does the form of “DATING” no longer exist?
It’s been so long since I’ve gotten the question “Can I pick you up around 7?” now its more of a text around 9:30 saying “You want to make it a Red Box night?”. Which don’t get me wrong….I’m all about cuddling and watching movies together, but that would be fine after we had a proper 1st date! You know the type of date where you guys get to discuss your likes and dislikes, your favorite foods, your parents and how you were growing up. Continue reading
I’m sorry if this song doesn’t put you in the Valentine’s Day spirit…I don’t know what will!
Posted in Fun, Love
Tagged love, music, video
I know recently with all this talk about my love life, it may seem like this blog is becoming a relationship blog…or one of those blog where the person is super lonely and all they can blog about is how lonely they are…if so…I’m sorry! Not by any means am I a blogger about relationships, because I belive in doing so I would have to have some kind of idea on what I am talking about…and well when it comes to relationships I don’t.
Also I wouldn’t say that I’m super lonely, more just tired of the dating scene. I don’t know, but for the shake of not sounding like Taylor Swift(same shit…different tune) I’m a try to make this my last ”Woo Is Me” relationship post for a while! Keyword folks is TRY!!! Continue reading
Needless to say this post is about how I’m not smashing…TMI? Even tho its only been since January…*hehehe*…but still! I really don’t want this weekend to turn in to an all out FREAK NEAK. I hope he doesn’t get the wrong idea, I really do want to be treated like a lady. I would love to do something fun and slightly romantic(I’m not much of a romance type of gal). I hopping for dinner, movie an a trip to Dave & Busters…then hopefully the horizontal tango…oh and something off my wish list would be nice too!
But how do I make it clear that I want to have SEX without making it the main reason for us to spend time together this weekend…is that even possible to convey to a man…or is that a stupid question?