So this weekend is my 26th birthday and instead of going to Philly and spending it with my sister like I planned, I will be staying home to (hopefully) spend it with my ex-boyfriend. Don’t put too much emphasis on the EX part tho. Why? Well because at the end of the day…no matter how I try to front…I still love the guy, and we always end up giving US another shoot!
He’s a U.S. Marine and will be doing his first deployment this month, and this weekend will be the last that I get to see him for 6 months. The thought of him being in a war zone make me cringe. I’m pretty sure I will be having a full on breakdown by Monday…I cried when he had to go away to artillery traing…so I already know when it comes time for him to leave I’m a lose it.
People find it strange that I still care so deeply about my ex. I don’t know…he has been such a major part in shaping the type of person I am today. For the good and the bad…the better and the worse. And as much as I love him dearly…WE just never worked out. To many trust issues…to many heart aches (all suffered on my end) and WAAAAAY to many lies. But at the end of the day…I still LOVE him, and I probably always will.
And the fact that he’s in the military doesn’t help either. It’s just put even more stress on our somewhat already destroyed on again/off again relationship. And as much of a struggle it is for me…it’s 10x’s worse for him, he’s constantly telling me how he misses being home and hates that he’s so far away from everyone.
I’m not ready for him to deploy, my mind has already started thinking the worse. But I’m trying to keep a level head, and as much as we hate each other right now…I know that at the end of the day we love each other even more. (corny yes I know) *sigh* So yeah…I don’t know! I just hope everything turns out great, he has a tendency to sometimes “forget” what he promised. So we shall see how this weekend turns out!