Single For A Reason…

I know recently with all this talk about my love life, it may seem like this blog is becoming a relationship blog…or one of those blog where the person is super lonely and all they can blog about is how lonely they are…if so…I’m sorry! Not by any means am I a blogger about relationships, because I belive in doing so I would have to have some kind of idea on what I am talking about…and well when it comes to relationships I don’t.

Also I wouldn’t say that I’m super lonely, more just tired of the dating scene. I don’t know, but for the shake of not sounding like Taylor Swift(same shit…different tune) I’m a try to make this my last “Woo Is Me” relationship post for a while! Keyword folks is TRY!!!

So last night, once again I had another one-sided argument with my ex-boyfriend. I call them one-sided because 1.) He usually never responds back with and answer or 2.) He doesn’t care and he continues to do what he want, despite how I feel which also includes him not responding back to me. Which usually leaves me sending a text or leaving a voicemail expressing my hurt/pain with  not one single ounce of “I got your message” from him. Sometimes…he even calls me and acts like he never even received them *BIG HUGE SIGH*. If you happen to look at the time stamp of this post, you may happen to notice that I’m writing this super early in the AM…and thats because once again I’m stressing.

There’s a small part of me wishing that I didn’t decided to stay home so that I could spend the weekend with the EX. That same small part is wishing that I told him “I don’t care if you deploy soon…I’m single and I don’t want to be stuck at home waiting for you all weekend”. And that same…tiny little part of me is also thinking “Fuck him…go out and spend your birthday and Valentine with someone else…YOU’RE SINGLE YOU KNOW”. But then the rest of me, my heart, tells me differntly…tells me that at least spend this time with him because who knows what could happen while he’s away at war. Tells me that I’m being selfish and a hypocrite because he has clearly expressed that he wants to see me…yet I’m trying to ignore him which is something I hate that he does.

Why is it that I can’t just be SINGLE…I mean all the way single…no thin string that’s still holding me and him together. Why is it that if he asked me to marry him(seriously asked), I would at the drop of a hat…I would pick up everything I had and move all the way across the United States for him. With so many reasons why I would want to stay with him even after all the shit he has put me through, why can’t I find a reason to be single?

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