If you follow me on twitter, you may have noticed that my tweets have been a lil “down in the dumps” per say. Some may know why…and some may not know the story behind my so “BLUE” tweets.
I’ve been wanting to blog about it for the last couple of days, but I didn’t know how to without having to tell the whole story. Yes, normally I have no problem leaving it all here on the pages of my blog…but this is just really to personal to spew all over the interweb lol.
So I was just laying in bed when I started to think about how I could get this off my chest without causing anymore regrets…regrets…REGRETS…THAT’S IT! With everything that has happened…and it mostly being my fault(mostly)…I’ve been beating myself up about it. “I should of said this…” or “I shouldn’t of done that…” have been racking my brain day in and day out. They’ve even made their way into my dreams
If you know me personally…or even somewhat personally you know that I am a very emotional person. That when I get hurt…I really hurt and sometimes it takes me awhile to get back on my “happy go-lucky” feet. You know that I try my best to be a good person, help out whenever I can and that I’m always willing to lend an ear whenever needed. People also know that I speak from the heart…and cause of that I have a hard time apologizing and I rarely have any regrets…especially when it comes to the opposite sex.
Up until Monday of last week…all of this was true. That’s when I allowed myself to get out of hand, I allowed myself to over step boundaries and speak out of my ass! And cause of that I may or may not have missed out on something real…or at least a great friendship. And now that it’s been over a week I’m dealing with that bitch Karma’s cousin who goes by the name of “Regret”.
I haven’t been able to eat, think nor sleep without thinking about the “what if’s”. On the outside it just looks like “Oh Courtney let another boy get to her, and hurt her feelings” but it’s not! My feelings aren’t hurt…cause like I said this is all my fault. It’s regret…which is worse. Because at least when your feelings are hurt you can point the finger at someone else, with regret you can only point the finger at yourself. And right now I’m staring at my own middle finger.
This is something that is very foreign to me. I have no idea how to deal with this! In the past week alone I have looked like an ass…put my foot in my mouth, became a major bitch and taking the “L” which is not like me to do. But I’ve also learned two valuable things. How to apologize and how major regret feels. And just like *snaps* that I have changed to become a completely different person.
I wish I could have some major insight on how to get over regret and leave it here on the blog, but I don’t…which is why I’m up at 3:30am writing about it instead of sleeping. But what I can say about my experience with regret is that it SUCKS! Even after apologizing and trying to move on…it still tugs at you when it’s late at night and you realize you can’t send him a “you up” text. What stings even worse is that it’s your fault you can’t!
So because I didn’t want to leave empty handed…I leave here a few quotes that I’ve been reading over and over(cause that’s what I do when something is bothering me, I look up quotes on the subject)…hopefully they can help you like they have helped me.
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.” ~Fulton Oursler
“Regret is insight that comes a day too late” ~Unknown
“To regret something is to hang yourself with your own noose. Mental suicide.” ~Unknown
And my favorite…”When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” ~Alexander Graham Bell
So yeah…that’s about it. Finally writing and getting this all out has me with the “Feels Good Man” face. Sorry that my first post in like over a month was such a gloomy one. But now that I’m back…there’s so much more I have to update everyone on. Thanks for still checking in…I see the page hits!
More to come…
SN: I did this with my iPhone. Yes…I am still in love with it!