*I wrote this over 3-4 days. It’s mostly a rant that I wanted to get out but had no one to talk to at the time…so I wrote them down in my iPhone and turned it into a blog post*
Being in love with someone when you don’t think they feel the same about you has to be one of the worse feelings in the world.
For me it’s close to morning the death of a loved one. But unlike death…that person is still walking, breathing and living life as if you never were a factor. For the past 6 years I have been in love with a man who obviously never cared or loved me as much as I did him. I’m starting to tear up as I write this post, because I feel “unimportant” “unsexy” and like “nothing”. I feel unloved and a failure, I’ve wanted nothing but to be married and a mother. And for the past 6 years I only pictured myself doing all of that with one person. I feel like, no matter how hard I try I can never do anything right. I feel like I can’t escape a past that has shaped me into the woman I am. And I can’t stop being angry for what hasn’t gone right in my life.
And all that running and all that anger is why I think my last relationship didn’t work…and also why my dating life has been is disarray!
While laying on the couch I came across Oprah and she said “Let go of the past…and the anger that is holding us back from moving on!” And that’s when it hit me, I need to let go of everything and everyone that has hurt me. I need to take them as lessons and use them the next time love comes back around.
I mean I don’t know…I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, and there are a lot of things that I need to change before I try to get involved with someone again. And hopefully when the time does present itself I can accept it and allow someone to care about me…also hopefully I can let got of the hurt and anger from my previous failed relationship.
I just want to let go!