So I have about 15 more mins left before I have to take my Oatifix face mask off…so I’ll make this a quick late night post. I’m up late again and I’m feeling some type of way…again. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, just an unknown feeling. It’s usually brought on by feelings of loneliness and sadness…by memories of my Dad that passed away. I wonder if I’ll ever shake this feeling, the feeling of being incomplete…being less whole then when I was when he was here. Often this feeling of incompleteness follows me into my relationships with men, or really my lack of relationships with men. At the begging of this year I had decided that I wouldn’t waste my time on dating or looking for anything serious…and I started off really strong. I enrolled in school, started working extra hours to keep my mind off of being single and I even found me a nice “Fuck Buddy” to hit up when I wanted to be held. I was GOOD…but all that changed after I let a “friend” convince me that we could be more. That turned out to be the mistake that caused my mental to be turned upside down and inside out. Not only did I lose out on someone I considered a great friend I also had to deal with unnecessary drama.
But I don’t want to dwell on that, for that’s not why I’m writing this post. Plus by the time I went through and explained the whole story this mask will have become cemented onto my face. I’m writing this because I am starting to find peace in missing my Daddy and not just sorrow like I have done in my past. And I’m allowing myself to feel and take in all the emotions I’m feeling right now in being “truly” single. No ex’s, no fuck buddies, no sex…well at least until the end of the year. Now I did break the “No Sex” rule a week ago…but that’s a story for a NEVER day (lol)! Just know it wasn’t with an ex or anyone close to anyone I know. But even that was relieving in a way. I mean I needed that night.
But here I am, with a full face of ground oats, blended with bananas, vanilla and ground almonds being all emotional and lonely. Yet even after all of that I’m still very happy and thankful and feeling super blessed to be where I am right now. I have a really good feeling that things will start too look up, even if it seems as though things are falling apart all around me right now…I know that’s usually a set up for great things to come. But let me go before I get all motivational guru on you guys and shit…plus I’m ready to take this lovely mask off.
BUT before I go here’s a pic of me in all my Oatifix Face Mask glory lol!
Fucking Sexy…I know! Lol!