“These niggas don’t know, these niggas really don’t know…WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A REAL ONE!” I can’t help but keep repeating this in my head, as quoted by one of the greatest Hood Gospel Singers out right now Ty Dolla Sign aka Dolla Sign aka $ aka My #MCM each and every Monday lol…you’ve all probably seen my Instagram by now.
Right now I’m in my bedroom killing some time while I wait for tonight’s radio show to download so I can edit it, so I figured it be a great time to start working on my next blog post. I mean…I’ve been really good with posting on here the past few days so why stop now. But while I was thinking about what I wanted my next post to be about I couldn’t help but keep repeating the above lyrics in my head. The song in the 1st track on his latest mix tape called Sign Language. It’s called Intro/NDK…NDK standing for Nigga Don’t Know…and as I’m signing this song I can’t help but agree. These niggas really don’t know, like not at all…especially when it comes to being real. Now when I say real, I may not exactly have the same definition as Mr. Money Sign himself…but I think we can both agree that to be real you have to be real with yourself first before you can be real with anyone else.
As I’ve gotten older, and slowly creeping up on my 30th birthday I’ve had to take some time recently to get real with myself. That was being truthful with where I am, that being financially, mentally, emotional…and spiritually as well. I had to stop and take a look back at how far I’ve come and how much further I have to go. Even though my driver license is telling me I’m grown, I still sometimes fell like a little ass girl. I still fill like I haven’t accomplished anything at all, especially for my age. But at the same time I’ve never had a problem with expressing where I am in life. Like the fact that I still live with my mom, or that I haven’t stayed at a job more than 2 years. Or like how I’ve allowed my failed engagement to my ex ruin how I fell about finding true love. That I’m an emotional being, I cry, get mad, and love extremely hard…sometimes so hard that it hurts…and I have no problem sharing all of that with who’s around me. I’m all of these things…and all of these things are me. And even though I have come to understand this about myself it seems that there are a lot of people who hate that I’ve claimed it all. Hate that I’m ok being a mess, hate that I’m ok not being perfect or having no desire to be perfect.
What I think it is…is that people fell that because I’ve claimed my mess, my downfalls, and owned up to my shortcomings that I have no desire to change. That I’m ok being a “BASIC BITCH” or that I’m ok be broken in certain aspects or areas of my life. This is simply not true at all. I’m merely just acknowledging my faults and trying my best EVERYDAY to be a better me…shortcomings and all. I’ve never been the type to hide my feelings, especially when I’m feeling down or upset. Everything from my blog, to my twitter and even my Instagram expresses however I’m feeling at one point at a time or another. If you looked at any of my social sites you could probably gage on how I am feeling at that particular time of day. I am an open book, I really don’t have much that I feel that I need to keep hidden. I will say that now as I’ve gotten older I have learned the importance of secrecy.
I now see why people keep things secret, like their love life and such, because a lot of people will find some reason to hate or to destroy what you have. But honestly I’ve learned not to allow people to steal my joy…still not 100% at this but I’m working on it.
But anyway to get back on the subject of being real, I really hope that when people look at me, get to know me or even speak of me I hope they see how real I am, and how genuine I am. So much so that when someone speaks ill about me they can decipher from the truth and the lies. I can’t even front and act like I’ve always been this way, it’s taken years and a lot of growth for to get here…but that’s the thing about being real, you have to start…you have to just do it. Once you start being real with yourself, nothing anyone can do will change how you feel about yourself.
Cause remember, these niggas don’t know what it takes to be a real one…what it takes to be you.