Perpetual Heartbreak…

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I feel like I’m living in a constant state of perpetual heartbreak. When it comes to making sure my relationships work/last…it’s obvious that I’m missing something. I know the blame doesn’t completely fall just on me, but I’m also not sure what it is that I need to fix.

My mom and sister think I’m too nice. I blame that on being on the wrong end of bullying and my loving dad. My ex and previous guys I’ve dated would say I don’t know how to forgive and let go…well I blame that on them and their constant actions that proved that forgiving never stopped them from lying and cheating again. I would say it’s my anxiety/depression that leave me with the constant thought that maybe I alone is just not good enough…and well for starters deep down I know that’s not true and I’m currently working on changing my way of thinking when it comes to how I feel about myself. And well I guess until I can figure out all these things I should probably give relationships a rest.

But I’m human and I, like many of us, I too want to have what is considered a basic human need and that’s love/belonging. And yes I understand that I get great amounts of love from my family and friends, and I also understand that self love is important. I love me like Kanye loves Kanye…anxiety/depression and all that comes with me. I’m also aware how important it is to seek a relationship with God…I promise I get all of that. But at 31 I want more then just self love and love from my family and a never ending relationship with God. I want a relationship that is mine and only mine…not one that I’m unwillingly/unknowingly sharing with another women. I want the relationship that I deserve, and not just one where I find myself giving more then I receive.

If this post seems a little off, well that’s because it started off as just a simple Facebook status that grew legs and took off into the land of feels. So I figured I would share it here instead.

Thanks for listening.

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One thought on “Perpetual Heartbreak…

  1. I can relate to this post. We’re in our thirties now and sometimes you just want someone to chill and build with. But at this point I’m just like when or if it happens, it happens. I guess I have became a little gloomy myself in the field of relationships. I just been staying busy and focused on the things that I have to do, when the time is right, the right women will enter my life because she will be focused and doing the things that she has to do and our energies will match.

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