Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining
***This is my first post for a new blog series I will be calling Mental Health Monday where I share my journey to healthier mental health. I hope you not only enjoy these post but take something as well.***
I have a horrible habit of over-explaining and trying to force people to understand what I’m trying to say. Especially when it comes to the men I’ve dated. So what is I trying to make sure there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding on how I feel, comes off as me being crazy. I’m not sure why or when exactly i started being like this, but recently it was brought to my attention and well I was taken aback at the thought of someone thinking I’m crazy. Now…don’t get wrong I can be very passionate when it comes to my relationships, in the sense, I put my all into it. Which is probably why I find myself over explaining my thoughts and feelings, instead of maybe taking a step back and seeing if that’s what he wants to hear at that moment. I’m sure this stems from my fear of breakup/being dropped like I have been so many times. So I feel like, if he knows exactly how much I care about him or how much something affects me…he’ll then understand and this will all end well. I never take into consideration his feelings or his thoughts or his opinions and not because I think I’m right and he’s wrong…but because I get so scared i just start vomiting at the mouth with my emotions.
Just recently I lashed out a friend I’ve known for some years now, and while I think my feelings and concerns were legitimate I didn’t take into consideration his feelings about what I had to say or that i could have been completely wrong. At the moment I just wanted him to know how much he meant to me but instead, it came off as me being jealous and angry and not accepting of the role I play or don’t play in his life. I think it made things worse because we both are going through our own relationship issues and at that moment I didn’t take into consideration his feelings at the time.
After talking to my therapist about the whole situation, I had come to the conclusion that I wasn’t right or wrong for feeling the way that I did but I was wrong in my approach in voicing my concerns. So after that, I had decided that I first wanted to apologize to him, even though I’m sure things won’t be reconciled between the both of us. I just wanted to let him know that I was sorry. And secondly, start working on fighting that urge to over explain and learning to except peoples 1st response and learning to give people time and space…especially after a disagreement. I also what to start training myself that when I get that urge to start explaining put that energy into something else, rather or be me writing down how I feel and then come back go it later to see if I’m still feeling the same way or doing something else altogether that doesn’t involve the current matter at hand.
This year I am truly a work in progress, I’m trying to learn from my mistakes, my bad habits and learn what sets me off. Knowing that I have probably lost someone I truly admire as a friend has really been an eye opener that I have so much to work on. This also brings me to the next trait that I want to work on, which is ”Letting Go”, but I’ll save that discussion for another post. But for now, I again want to thank all of you for sticking with me and continue to read my blog. My life is doing a complete 180 and I haven’t been the best with keeping up with my blog. I will do better. I want to make sure that things I post on here are genuine…no matter how bad they make me look. Honestly, it was hard for me to decide to post this for the world to see because then I have to admit something that a lot of us have trouble admitting and that is that we are sometimes wrong and we can make mistakes and hurt others around us rather it’s intentionally or not.
But yeah, that’s it for my 1st Mental Health Monday post. Please let me know what you think or even what are some bad habits and things that you are working on about yourself. Let me know in the comment section below.
Peace Yinz Guys!