Hey Yinz Guys…can you believe we’re already in our 5th month of 2018? Crazy right? I feel like this year is flying by. And now that it’s May and the sun has FINALLY decided to join us, it’s just a matter of weeks before I’m out here being Summertime Fine yall. So with that being said, I thought I would share my Summer 2018 Goals here. This is going to be a very adventurous summer for me, I’m going to be doing a lot of traveling and I will also be taking a lot of chances this summer as well when it comes to heading into a different career path. But first I should share some good news…I now work for ULTA Beauty as a Beauty Advisor. I shared the exciting news on my Instagram last month, I’m so excited for this opportunity because I know I’m even one step closer to going to school for my Esthetician License. Yes, you heard that right, I plan on going to school to gain my esthetician certificate than to test for my license so I can start my career as an Esthetician and hopefully work in a spa and just go from there. Continue reading “Summer 2018 Goals…”
***Good Morning Yinz Guys! This past Monday I introduced one of the many new series I want to bring to this hear blog called “Mental Health Monday” if you haven’t read it yet you can read it here. The second series I want to introduce is what I call “Feel Good Friday’s” where I will share post that are motivational. It may be something I’ve written up myself or a quote I found. Either way, I want to use Friday’s as a way to send good vibes to Yinz Guys so we can start the weekend on a good note. I hope you enjoy.***
You are more than your shortcomings and downfalls. You are more than the negative things people have to say about you and your mistakes. You are more than Your diagnoses and your illness. You are more than your past and who you use to be. You are more than that job you hate, and you are more than the lack of money you have. You are more than your degrees or lack of degrees. You are more than your relationship status and you are more than who you have dated. Continue reading “Feel Good Friday’s: You Are More Than Your Short Comings”
Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining
***This is my first post for a new blog series I will be calling Mental Health Monday where I share my journey to healthier mental health. I hope you not only enjoy these post but take something as well.***
I have a horrible habit of over-explaining and trying to force people to understand what I’m trying to say. Especially when it comes to the men I’ve dated. So what is I trying to make sure there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding on how I feel, comes off as me being crazy. I’m not sure why or when exactly i started being like this, but recently it was brought to my attention and well I was taken aback at the thought of someone thinking I’m crazy. Now…don’t get wrong I can be very passionate when it comes to my relationships, in the sense, I put my all into it. Which is probably why I find myself over explaining my thoughts and feelings, instead of maybe taking a step back and seeing if that’s what he wants to hear at that moment. I’m sure this stems from my fear of breakup/being dropped like I have been so many times. So I feel like, if he knows exactly how much I care about him or how much something affects me…he’ll then understand and this will all end well. I never take into consideration his feelings or his thoughts or his opinions and not because I think I’m right and he’s wrong…but because I get so scared i just start vomiting at the mouth with my emotions. Continue reading “Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining”
Hey Yinz Guys & Happy Friday! We made it through yet another week, and can you believe it’s already November? Like I swear January was just last week. So with this new month comes new routines and new goals, and also time to start saving and shopping for Christmas next month. My sister also celebrates her 30th birthday this month and I will be traveling to see her in Philly so I need to save all my coins and monies for all the upcoming spending I will be doing this month and next. Continue reading “No New Makeup November…”
Ayyyye Yinz Guys and Happy November 1st! Yes…I’m ignoring the fact that my last post was in July…so yeah lol! But a lot has been going on with me, and I mean A LOT. From my love life to my personal life to my work life. I now work from home full time, I got a promotion and a nice little raise, my mental health has come leaps and bounds and while my physical health has taken a turn for the worse(no I’m not dying thankfully) I’m still here thoting and bopping. And speaking of thoting my love life…it’ still nonexistent. But I will hit on all these topics in their own blog post later this month, I promise. Continue reading “November: A New Routine Is Coming…”
So I have about 15 more mins left before I have to take my Oatifix face mask off…so I’ll make this a quick late night post. I’m up late again and I’m feeling some type of way…again. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, just an unknown feeling. It’s usually brought on by feelings of loneliness and sadness…by memories of my Dad that passed away. I wonder if I’ll ever shake this feeling, the feeling of being incomplete…being less whole then when I was when he was here. Often this feeling of incompleteness follows me into my relationships with men, or really my lack of relationships with men. At the begging of this year I had decided that I wouldn’t waste my time on dating or looking for anything serious…and I started off really strong. I enrolled in school, started working extra hours to keep my mind off of being single and I even found me a nice “Fuck Buddy” to hit up when I wanted to be held. I was GOOD…but all that changed after I let a “friend” convince me that we could be more. That turned out to be the mistake that caused my mental to be turned upside down and inside out. Not only did I lose out on someone I considered a great friend I also had to deal with unnecessary drama.
So if you are a regular reader of my blog, Tumblr, Instagram and definitely my Twitter account or maybe even all four of them…then you are very aware that I am very single. It’s probably one of the things I complain most about. For this…I am sorry, but I can’t help it…I am a relationship type of gal!
I have been involved in my share of crappy relationships, and now that I am 27 and soon to be 28 in like 4 short months I am SOOOO ready to find a nice man to settle down with. I graduated from high school in 2004, and since then I have seen at least 5 or 6 classmates, teammates and people I grow up with get hitched, and a few even start their own little families. Then there’s me *womp womp*, I can’t even really say that I have been in a real serious relationship. Yes there was the proposal via text from my on again off again then ex boyfriend while he was in the military…but that was short lived due to the fact that he thought he impregnated a young woman while he was stationed in Cali…yes I have horrible taste in men. But back to what I was saying, I have no idea what it means to be in a grown-up relationship. You know like when the relationship doesn’t have to be a secret…or if date night doesn’t always consist of sitting on the couch watching Netflix and then having your brains bang out only to do it all over the next day. It’s also the type where you both equally exchange gifts of gratitude and “just because”…and your birthday is not a negotiable event. I long for the day when I can share mushy pictures of me and my guy on Instagram and change my Facebook relationship status to “Courtney Lynn Keeton is in a relationship with Seriously A. Guy” and the A is for AWESOM…until then I continue to keep kissing a bunch of frogs that just turn into nothing but even bigger toads. And when I do think that I may have something that resembles a relationship it blows up on me, and I find myself being the only one with a face full of shit.
After things constantly not going my way, I seriously had to pause for a minute and ask myself “Why do I keep ending up butt hurt over horrible horrible guys?” “Why am I constantly getting lied to and cheated on?” and the worst thing I ever questioned was “Maybe I’m not capable of being loved…MAYBE IT’S ME?” Now don’t get me wrong…the “Maybe it’s me” question is a very plausible question to ask oneself, but in this scenario its not. What has happened is that I’ve allowed all of these negative relationships to cause me to question if I deserved to be with someone who wanted to see and make me happy. Like I seriously started to feel that I can’t be loved, and for god sakes that’s a horrible way to go thru life…feeling like you are unworthy of love. So if you’re reading this and you happen to be feeling this way…STOP IT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!! Each and every one of else is worthy of being love…we just have to stop giving ourselves to people who have no real intentions or just plain don’t want to love us or even for a matter of fact like us.
If you’re anything like me and my girls, we are VERY giving, so giving it’s to a fault. We seem to have this mindset that if we give this and give that he’ll see how awesome we are and love us right…but we always end up WRONG AS FUCK! What happens is said dude ends up with all these awesome gifts from us, and when I say gifts I don’t mean only material or tangible gifts…I mean gifts as in just US period as a whole. We give them all this emotional support, mental support, spiritual support, sometimes financial support and if you’re like me you even give them great freak nasty ass sex…but they still aren’t happy and end up leaving or going off to “figure out what it is that I want” right? Well when this usually happens and I go complain to my mom about it… and you know what she always tells me, she says “When will you get it Courtney, these guys that you seem to get so hurt over…never really liked you! You’re an awesome girl, and make a hell of a girlfriend…just not for him.” So you see it doesn’t matter how much you do for someone…if he doesn’t like you…he doesn’t like you. So now that I’ve said that, I want to say this…IT’S NOT YOU…it’s him. And it always doesn’t have to just be that he doesn’t like you, it can also be that he just too damn immature and can’t fucking handle all this good shit you’re throwing his way…and when I say throwing I don’t just mean the box(LOL). Some guys just aren’t ready for it, and yes it sucks when he seems to be all READY with the next girl…and in that case…it was you, but not in the YOU as in “You can’t be loved” you…it was more of what I said earlier with the whole he just doesn’t like you like that statement…if that makes any sense. AND THAT’S OK…what’s not ok is allowing him and any other crappy guys to bring you down and cause you to question your ability to be love. With that said…
I don’t know everything, I don’t want to sit here and act like I know all the answers…and I’m not saying that this blog post holds weight for everyone…but it does for me. But what do I know, I’m a 27 year old single black female who’s just reflecting on past mistakes and finally starting to get it. That’s All!