***I wrote this earlier today while on my way to work***
Since I haven’t blogged in a min…I guess it’s fitting that I hit you up with a few updates and some inspirational thoughts that I’ve been repeating to myself to keep me from going off the deep end. So where to start….
Lets see, well my 27th birthday came and went with not a lot of fan fare. My sis hooked me up and my best friend since grade school made reservations for us at this cute restaurant not to far from where I stay.
As for my love life…I tried rekindling an old flame already knowing that I should have stomped it out and smothered it instead. Everything happened just like I knew it would…I came…I fell hard…and I got shitted on…kicked out…ended up being very ratchet outside his apartment screaming his name…then forced to walk home in shame! LOL…now even though I’m super bummed about it…I only have myself to blame. I mean I know that he had his ways and I had mine, so I know that it wasn’t going to work…but the hopeless romantic in me told me to give it one more try.
And in between that…I thought I would try my hands at trying to “get to know” someone in another state(since me and said guy from here weren’t in a “committed relationship”)…well that didn’t work out either. I can’t stand a guy who is overly aggressive and overly sexual…just a huge turn off for me. So he ended that with a “Just pretend that I’m dead” and a “CLICK”…he was way to DRAMATIC for me at that point!
So now I’m here, siting on the bus on my way to work wondering how I can turn all this negativity into a positive before I sink more into depression…and well I’m not exactly sure how to do that yet.
But I do know there are a lot of changes I’m hoping to make during the summer, and I know that I want to move to a different state and I want to go back to school…I also want to fall back in love with writing and music. So with all these things I have lined up on my “To Do” list, maybe I should use all this negative energy as fuel to cross off everything on my list by the end of the summer!
I don’t know, but I do know writing this here on my iPhone feels really good…nothing like letting out your emotions for the public to read and scrutinize LOL!
Oh and here’s an inspirational/positive quote:
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most”
“Oh naw never that…it’s just that I have a girlfriend and I wouldn’t want to cheat on her….but you’re sexy and I would love to do you!”***
IM SORRY…PLEASE FUCKING EXPLAIN TO ME THEN WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU THINK I AM? Because in my opinion any girl who willing lays down with a man knowing that he’s taken is indeed a HO!
I just can’t win can I? LMAO my dating/love life is so ridiculous it’s almost comical…keyword: almost. I’m pretty sure finding this information out after downing 3 Rum Runners, 2 Amaretto Sours followed by some heavy chain-smoking didn’t help the cost either. But I guess it’s better to find out now where you stand with someone then later on…right?
*sigh* I wish I could say “Wrong” and that I rather walk around in ignorant bliss and know nothing…but I’ve never been able to do that…NEVER! I’ve always had the ability to smell BS from two states away, it’s just the matter if I ignore it or not. And I knew pure fuckery was about to take place when he said he’ll go only to renege and say “I’ll see” lol…I CALLED IT RIGHT THERE AND THEN!
And I would have felt a little better if said person would have just said “Look here’s the deal…I got a girl, but I’m trying to fuck!”…yes the answer would have still been “NO” but at least I would have a little more respect for you. Cause now I know you’re a liar…and maybe you felt you didn’t owe me the truth…but why lie? If my being means that less to you that you don’t feel you need to be honest with me, especially after I asked you straight up if you were dating anyone and you said no. Then why do I hold so much weight that you were afraid to tell me the truth?
Cause the answer is still going to be the same…”NO”…REGARDLESS!!!
I swear I’m done. For the next few weeks I’m turning off the charm and turning my big smile upside down and doing nothing but focusing on my real work which is my writing and finding a side gig aka a 9-5.
This summer has so many promising things on the horizon that it would be a shame to crawl under the covers licking my wounds. But I do think a little hiatus is in store.
*crawls under covers with a week’s worth or horror flicks and zebra cakes*
JUUUUUST JOKING…I have to much stuff to do!
***I really wanted to put the quote word for word…but was just too vulgar lol. So I just put a couple of the quotes together to make one.
This weekend I will get the joy of spending time with my 3-year-old baby cousin Alana, her dad my cousin Lamar and his wife Dayna. I’m super excited because I rarely get to see them because they live in Florida(lucky them). Also this weekend we will be celebrating all the month of May birthdays as well which is Alana, my mom and a few other family members birthday.
So I thought a way to celebrate my baby girls visit with a video I’ve seen a few times on twitter. I mean if this video doesn’t make you chuckle, even just a little bit…then you have no soul lol. Enjoy!
***WARNING! This is a RANT, it is not to be taking seriously. Please do not hold your breath, the author of this post has no control when the sun is blazing and the liquor is flowing. Also did we mention she’s a SIMP***
I could have sworn I said that I wasn’t going to catch feelings, or get serious with NO MAN until the end of the summer. Yet I found myself belly aching over not ONE but TWO dudes before the temperature even hit 70. I swear I need to start putting reminders on my mirror “NO…he can’t call you at 2 in the am” and “No…don’t answer his damn email”. And all of this regret and auguring thru Facebook could have been avoided.
So instead of me starting my spring on the right foot, I find myself once again, pouring my heart out on my blog. HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPENED? And to make matters worse…I could really use it in the worse way right now…*sigh*. But I’m swearing off sex for a little while. Seems like that’s the only thing everyone is after now anyway. This task shall be tested when I hit Philly next week…cause my own little version of Kid Cudi is there and Lord knows my weakness for him lol.