Feel Good Friday’s: You Are More Than Your Short Comings

***Good Morning Yinz Guys! This past Monday I introduced one of the many new series I want to bring to this hear blog called “Mental Health Monday” if you haven’t read it yet you can read it here. The second series I want to introduce is what I call “Feel Good Friday’s” where I will share post that are motivational. It may be something I’ve written up myself or a quote I found. Either way, I want to use Friday’s as a way to send good vibes to Yinz Guys so we can start the weekend on a good note. I hope you enjoy.***

You are more than your shortcomings and downfalls. You are more than the negative things people have to say about you and your mistakes. You are more than Your diagnoses and your illness. You are more than your past and who you use to be. You are more than that job you hate, and you are more than the lack of money you have. You are more than your degrees or lack of degrees. You are more than your relationship status and you are more than who you have dated. Continue reading “Feel Good Friday’s: You Are More Than Your Short Comings”

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Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining

Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining

***This is my first post for a new blog series I will be calling Mental Health Monday where I share my journey to healthier mental health. I hope you not only enjoy these post but take something as well.***

I have a horrible habit of over-explaining and trying to force people to understand what I’m trying to say. Especially when it comes to the men I’ve dated. So what is I trying to make sure there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding on how I feel, comes off as me being crazy. I’m not sure why or when exactly i started being like this, but recently it was brought to my attention and well I was taken aback at the thought of someone thinking I’m crazy. Now…don’t get wrong I can be very passionate when it comes to my relationships, in the sense, I put my all into it. Which is probably why I find myself over explaining my thoughts and feelings, instead of maybe taking a step back and seeing if that’s what he wants to hear at that moment. I’m sure this stems from my fear of breakup/being dropped like I have been so many times. So I feel like, if he knows exactly how much I care about him or how much something affects me…he’ll then understand and this will all end well. I never take into consideration his feelings or his thoughts or his opinions and not because I think I’m right and he’s wrong…but because I get so scared i just start vomiting at the mouth with my emotions. Continue reading “Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining”

I’m 32 Yall…

Hey Yinz Guys & Good Morning! And if you guess by the tile of this post…today is my 32nd birthday. Yup you read that right, I’m an old lady at 32 lol. I swear I just turned 25 last year..or at least I feel like I did lol. This year my birthday is going to be EXTRA lowkey. I’m actually at work due to my coworker being on vacation. I did celebrate a little bit over the weekend. My cousins 30th birthday was this weekend as well and his wife set up an surprise birthday party for him. So I spent Saturday with friends & family celebrating his birthday.

Continue reading “I’m 32 Yall…”

Perpetual Heartbreak…

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I feel like I’m living in a constant state of perpetual heartbreak. When it comes to making sure my relationships work/last…it’s obvious that I’m missing something. I know the blame doesn’t completely fall just on me, but I’m also not sure what it is that I need to fix. Continue reading “Perpetual Heartbreak…”

Thoughtful Thursday…

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So if you follow me on Instagram you may have seen this already…but I just thought I would share it here for my first #ThoughtfulThursday post. One of my hopes for my blog is to share some of my favorite quotes every Tuesday and Thursday. Why Tuesday and Thursday…well for one they both start with a T and both flow nicely with the word Thoughtful lol. But also because Tuesday is the day after the beginning of the week and Thursday is the day before the ending of  the week so I figured we..I could use the inspiration. Also it gives me a reason to use my OVER app on my iPhone a lot more lol.

I hope you enjoy, and remember “BE YOUR OWN INSPIRATION”.

Courtney Lynn

Being Ok With Being Alone…


  One thing I have learned to love and appreciate more then anything is my alone time. Now I wasn’t always this secure with being by myself, rather it was without being in a relationship or without friends when I was younger I hated the idea of being alone. I use to always surround myself with some type of company, the only downside to that is that when just allowing anyone in your space you tend to allow more negative people who are always looking for opportunities to take advantages of lonely people such as my younger self, then people who genuinely want to be there for you.  Continue reading “Being Ok With Being Alone…”

2015, So Far So Good…


2015…what can I say? Only half way through the year and I feel like I have been through a lifetime of positive events. Learning to let go and let live, to ignore your enemies and to see the greatness in not only others, but also the greatness that is myself. Continue reading “2015, So Far So Good…”

Face Mask Diaries…

So I have about 15 more mins left before I have to take my Oatifix face mask off…so I’ll make this a quick late night post. I’m up late again and I’m feeling some type of way…again. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, just an unknown feeling. It’s usually brought on by feelings of loneliness and sadness…by memories of my Dad that passed away. I wonder if I’ll ever shake this feeling, the feeling of being incomplete…being less whole then when I was when he was here. Often this feeling of incompleteness follows me into my relationships with men, or really my lack of relationships with men. At the begging of this year I had decided that I wouldn’t waste my time on dating or looking for anything serious…and I started off really strong. I enrolled in school, started working extra hours to keep my mind off of being single and I even found me a nice “Fuck Buddy” to hit up when I wanted to be held. I was GOOD…but all that changed after I let a “friend” convince me that we could be more. That turned out to be the mistake that caused my mental to be turned upside down and inside out. Not only did I lose out on someone I considered a great friend I also had to deal with unnecessary drama.

Continue reading “Face Mask Diaries…”

Trust The Process…

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As much as I want you around, I’m not sure if you’re suppose to be here. So I texted you that I’m a leave you alone, and I’m a do just that. You know how to find me. But until then I’m a just let you rock out. Like Crystal said “If he’s suppose to be here, he’ll be here.” I guess I just need to trust that you know what you want, I just hope what you want is me.

It hurts to have to let someone go in hopes that they’ll return. Sometimes it’s for the better(Daddy) and sometimes is for the worse(Nate). But you…I don’t want to have to let you go. Shit if I could see you everyday I would. We just drive each other too crazy…or maybe it’s I just drive you crazy or it could be the other way around.

You make me feel wanted and special, you make me feel like a woman. And for a girl who grew up spending her early teens wanting to be a boy that’s a big deal. So when I tell you I want you around I mean that shit. I mean that shit from my core, and I’ll keep meaning that shit. But I guess it’s a process, and I have to trust the process. I have to trust that you know best.

I’m Not Impressed…

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I’m starting to realize that when it comes to relationships…I am my own worst enemy. I tend to get in my own way, my best hater.

I’m building something new with a guy that began rather quickly. Never have I had someone who is so honest with his feelings, so true with his words and not one bit embarrassed to tell me how he feels not only about anything but for me as well. He’s like everything I’ve been trying to pull out of these other guys…and yet I’m still not impressed aka “Happy”. Why is that? Like what is wrong with me that I can’t allow this dude to do what I’ve been wanting all my past dudes to do.

For example, last night he asked me a simple question…”What about me makes you feel that you can trust me?”. What my answer should have been was something like…”You make me feel safe…”, “Cause I feel like I can be honest with you…” Or even “Cause I want you to trust me..”. NOPE…I SAID NONE OF THOSE…instead my answer was “I’m not in the mood for sentimental shit, I’m watching basketball!”

BITCH WHAT THE FUCK? Like since when have I cared about some damn NBA, now if it was college ball, and it was my team Duke vs NC…then maybe I could see me saying that…but it was the Lakers against Golden State…I couldn’t even tell you a players name on Golden State. Yet I found it necessary to shut him down like that. Now granted…he busted them biscuits open a short 30mins later after I finished what I was eating, so I guess he wasn’t to moved by my statement. But I was sitting here thinking…what if he was. What if I just fucked up all the good shit that could possibly happen with him because I’m to scared to allow him in. I’m too scared to let him know I care…I’m too scared he might leave.

He has no idea but all last night I kept thinking about how things were going to end with us. Or I was thinking if he was mad at me about last night. Lately no matter what he does I seem to be “not impressed” with any of it, when really I’m in awe of everything he does. I’m amazed how he’s overcome such diversity and still continues to follow his dreams when most people would have quit, moved on and given up.

You see I know what it’s like to have a dream, what it’s like to want something so bad that you become so involved in it that you’re blind to others around you. Yet I can’t seem to allow myself to relate to him. He doesn’t know this, but I went and listed to his old work, and his word play to me is pretty fucking amazing. And it’s crazy to see how much he has grown in his passion for music. I only hope people see half the growth in my writing that I see in him as a rapper. Yet…a part of me is embarrassed that I feel this way for someone who is a mere mortal like myself. How can I be so infatuated with someone who has been in my life less then a month yet he will forever be a memory I hope to keep forever. Better yet why is he so comfortable around me to let me in and listen to such a important part of his being. Why me?

He does all of this, and I’m still not impressed…at least that’s how it looks on the outside. When really in the inside I’m twerkin’ with excitement for all his shit. Just another example of allowing my past to dictate my future and my sorrows to shine brighter then my happiness. I guess now that I have identified the problem the next step is to try an rectify it. Maybe I’ll even let him read this post before I actually post it…or better yet I’ll just tell him how I feel in person. Either way I need to fix things with him…and make sure I catch myself before I wreck myself.

Peace

****FYI: I waited to post this until he got to read it first. Took him 2 days to read it, but he finally did…and he loved it****