***This is my first post for a new blog series I will be calling Mental Health Monday where I share my journey to healthier mental health. I hope you not only enjoy these post but take something as well.***
I have a horrible habit of over-explaining and trying to force people to understand what I’m trying to say. Especially when it comes to the men I’ve dated. So what is I trying to make sure there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding on how I feel, comes off as me being crazy. I’m not sure why or when exactly i started being like this, but recently it was brought to my attention and well I was taken aback at the thought of someone thinking I’m crazy. Now…don’t get wrong I can be very passionate when it comes to my relationships, in the sense, I put my all into it. Which is probably why I find myself over explaining my thoughts and feelings, instead of maybe taking a step back and seeing if that’s what he wants to hear at that moment. I’m sure this stems from my fear of breakup/being dropped like I have been so many times. So I feel like, if he knows exactly how much I care about him or how much something affects me…he’ll then understand and this will all end well. I never take into consideration his feelings or his thoughts or his opinions and not because I think I’m right and he’s wrong…but because I get so scared i just start vomiting at the mouth with my emotions. Continue reading “Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining”
***Warning, this was supposed to be an Instagram rant, but it turned out to be a lot longer then I expected and way too much to post on IG. Also, I was hella mad as well.***
So I’m currently laid up in bed…AGAIN due to my Rheumatoid Arthritis which has also blessed me with the recent diagnoses of Iritis AKA Uveitis back in October which caused me to miss multiple days of work. It’s hard to explain to people how one day I can be feeling good, up walking around, looking hella fine and the next day be on what feels like the brink of death, with swollen, inflamed and super painful joints. And because just the day before you looked amazing it’s hard for people to understand why you look and feel like death today. Continue reading “Because I’m Sick…Shit!”
I feel like I’m living in a constant state of perpetual heartbreak. When it comes to making sure my relationships work/last…it’s obvious that I’m missing something. I know the blame doesn’t completely fall just on me, but I’m also not sure what it is that I need to fix. Continue reading “Perpetual Heartbreak…”
“Oh naw never that…it’s just that I have a girlfriend and I wouldn’t want to cheat on her….but you’re sexy and I would love to do you!”***
IM SORRY…PLEASE FUCKING EXPLAIN TO ME THEN WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU THINK I AM? Because in my opinion any girl who willing lays down with a man knowing that he’s taken is indeed a HO!
I just can’t win can I? LMAO my dating/love life is so ridiculous it’s almost comical…keyword: almost. I’m pretty sure finding this information out after downing 3 Rum Runners, 2 Amaretto Sours followed by some heavy chain-smoking didn’t help the cost either. But I guess it’s better to find out now where you stand with someone then later on…right?
*sigh* I wish I could say “Wrong” and that I rather walk around in ignorant bliss and know nothing…but I’ve never been able to do that…NEVER! I’ve always had the ability to smell BS from two states away, it’s just the matter if I ignore it or not. And I knew pure fuckery was about to take place when he said he’ll go only to renege and say “I’ll see” lol…I CALLED IT RIGHT THERE AND THEN!
And I would have felt a little better if said person would have just said “Look here’s the deal…I got a girl, but I’m trying to fuck!”…yes the answer would have still been “NO” but at least I would have a little more respect for you. Cause now I know you’re a liar…and maybe you felt you didn’t owe me the truth…but why lie? If my being means that less to you that you don’t feel you need to be honest with me, especially after I asked you straight up if you were dating anyone and you said no. Then why do I hold so much weight that you were afraid to tell me the truth?
Cause the answer is still going to be the same…”NO”…REGARDLESS!!!
I swear I’m done. For the next few weeks I’m turning off the charm and turning my big smile upside down and doing nothing but focusing on my real work which is my writing and finding a side gig aka a 9-5.
This summer has so many promising things on the horizon that it would be a shame to crawl under the covers licking my wounds. But I do think a little hiatus is in store.
*crawls under covers with a week’s worth or horror flicks and zebra cakes*
JUUUUUST JOKING…I have to much stuff to do!
***I really wanted to put the quote word for word…but was just too vulgar lol. So I just put a couple of the quotes together to make one.
So I had a little twitter disagreement much earlier today…yes I know lame, but it still was a little bothersome for me. I was told that I like to play the victim, which is funny to me. Because playing the victim would be continuously allowing something harmful to happen or affect me and not change or move away from the problem. At least that is how I see it.
Yeah to some a few jokes here and there are funny, but when it starts to get malicious is where I have to draw the line. I’ve stated before in a previous post that I don’t understand why people go out of their way to bring down other people…especially people that they don’t know. And what may be funny and harmless to you may not be to someone else. When I joined Twitter, I planned on having a fun experience with it. I seen it as a way to connect with people I may have otherwise never had the chance to meet. But as of recently it has turned into a “Who can get the most laughs by saying something mean”…but because that’s not me I usually just sit back and do my own thing or just log off. Continue reading “Playing The Victim…”
***WARNING! This is a RANT, it is not to be taking seriously. Please do not hold your breath, the author of this post has no control when the sun is blazing and the liquor is flowing. Also did we mention she’s a SIMP***
I could have sworn I said that I wasn’t going to catch feelings, or get serious with NO MAN until the end of the summer. Yet I found myself belly aching over not ONE but TWO dudes before the temperature even hit 70. I swear I need to start putting reminders on my mirror “NO…he can’t call you at 2 in the am” and “No…don’t answer his damn email”. And all of this regret and auguring thru Facebook could have been avoided.
So instead of me starting my spring on the right foot, I find myself once again, pouring my heart out on my blog. HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPENED? And to make matters worse…I could really use it in the worse way right now…*sigh*. But I’m swearing off sex for a little while. Seems like that’s the only thing everyone is after now anyway. This task shall be tested when I hit Philly next week…cause my own little version of Kid Cudi is there and Lord knows my weakness for him lol.
~I wrote the majority of this post like over a week ago, and I had been meaning to finish it but other things got in the way. But recently a few things happened that made me think of this post, so decided to finish and post it this morning.~
I have a huge HATE for mean people, dream crushers…people who never have anything nice to say aka Jealous Folks. I hate HATERS lol…and you won’t find more haters gathering in one place then on Twitter. I don’t get it, and it’s usually the self proclaimed “Pretty Girls” or “Ballers” throwing the most shade.
Like how can you have so much SELF ESSTEM yet make it your business to go out of your way, just to call out someone that you don’t even know. Yes we are all granted the freedom to have our own opinion about someone, but what’s the point on tweeting people some negative shit about the way they look. I mean honestly, how pitiful is your life that you troll around on twitter to call someone ugly.
And you know what makes it even worse, is how much HATE women can have towards each other. It’s already bad enough that we have to fight the war on women in media everyday but now we have to come at each other’s necks. Now don’t get me wrong, there are a few girls on twitter that I hate to see RT on my time line because they usually have some trifling shit to say…but I would never slander their name. Why? Cause at the end of the day I don’t know them…and their ignorance have no affect on my being.
Yet I’ve had many of a people tweet me all types of negativity. Rather it be a misunderstanding of something I tweeted or just general HATE…I’ve gotten it. Now I have thick skin so it takes a lot to upset me…no wait…I actually don’t care enough about what someone on twitter says about me!
But what does upset me is how women come at each other…I don’t know why it bothers me so much but it does. I especially hate it when they throw sexually derogatory slurs towards each other. I can’t say that I’m a SAINT, because I have call a few girls a whore or two. And deserving or not, why throw even more salt in the open wound that we women have to deal with on a daily basis from our male counterparts.
I don’t know…I’m just voicing my opinion on a situation I see happening more times then not on twitter and in the real world between women (and some men to). I mean if you carry yourself with such HIGH regards what do you get from throwing shade?
So instead of hating…”Why don’t you get you some money” *I said that in my Wiz voice*
So what exactly does that mean? To me…it means living my DREAM now. But what exactly is my dream? I know I want to do something in which I’m allowed to be creative, ask questions and inform the masses. I know I would love to write for a magazine, maybe a lifestyle magazine…one involving my favorite music artist and other important figures that I enjoy. I also want to be able to make my own rules, and be able to express myself and let my views be known (in a respectable manner that is) all the while helping people.
I want to bring something that has never been seen before….BUT doesn’t everyone? I’m a HUGE fan of blogging, I love to read blogs and I LOVE finding new ones. I remember the first time I actually started to really get into blogging. It all started on MYSPACE lol, I would occasionally post a blog about something that was bothering me and what not…but what I really enjoyed was reading other people’s entries. Probably the first MYSPACE blog that I would read on a regular basis was my girls Kioko blog lol. It was always funny and interesting to see her post about roommate issues and stuff like that. Continue reading “Faking It Until You Make It…”
I know recently with all this talk about my love life, it may seem like this blog is becoming a relationship blog…or one of those blog where the person is super lonely and all they can blog about is how lonely they are…if so…I’m sorry! Not by any means am I a blogger about relationships, because I belive in doing so I would have to have some kind of idea on what I am talking about…and well when it comes to relationships I don’t.
Also I wouldn’t say that I’m super lonely, more just tired of the dating scene. I don’t know, but for the shake of not sounding like Taylor Swift(same shit…different tune) I’m a try to make this my last “Woo Is Me” relationship post for a while! Keyword folks is TRY!!! Continue reading “Single For A Reason…”
Needless to say this post is about how I’m not smashing…TMI? Even tho its only been since January…*hehehe*…but still! I really don’t want this weekend to turn in to an all out FREAK NEAK. I hope he doesn’t get the wrong idea, I really do want to be treated like a lady. I would love to do something fun and slightly romantic(I’m not much of a romance type of gal). I hopping for dinner, movie an a trip to Dave & Busters…then hopefully the horizontal tango…oh and something off my wish list would be nice too!
But how do I make it clear that I want to have SEX without making it the main reason for us to spend time together this weekend…is that even possible to convey to a man…or is that a stupid question?