Feel Good Friday’s: You Are More Than Your Short Comings

***Good Morning Yinz Guys! This past Monday I introduced one of the many new series I want to bring to this hear blog called “Mental Health Monday” if you haven’t read it yet you can read it here. The second series I want to introduce is what I call “Feel Good Friday’s” where I will share post that are motivational. It may be something I’ve written up myself or a quote I found. Either way, I want to use Friday’s as a way to send good vibes to Yinz Guys so we can start the weekend on a good note. I hope you enjoy.***

You are more than your shortcomings and downfalls. You are more than the negative things people have to say about you and your mistakes. You are more than Your diagnoses and your illness. You are more than your past and who you use to be. You are more than that job you hate, and you are more than the lack of money you have. You are more than your degrees or lack of degrees. You are more than your relationship status and you are more than who you have dated. Continue reading “Feel Good Friday’s: You Are More Than Your Short Comings”

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Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining

Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining

***This is my first post for a new blog series I will be calling Mental Health Monday where I share my journey to healthier mental health. I hope you not only enjoy these post but take something as well.***

I have a horrible habit of over-explaining and trying to force people to understand what I’m trying to say. Especially when it comes to the men I’ve dated. So what is I trying to make sure there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding on how I feel, comes off as me being crazy. I’m not sure why or when exactly i started being like this, but recently it was brought to my attention and well I was taken aback at the thought of someone thinking I’m crazy. Now…don’t get wrong I can be very passionate when it comes to my relationships, in the sense, I put my all into it. Which is probably why I find myself over explaining my thoughts and feelings, instead of maybe taking a step back and seeing if that’s what he wants to hear at that moment. I’m sure this stems from my fear of breakup/being dropped like I have been so many times. So I feel like, if he knows exactly how much I care about him or how much something affects me…he’ll then understand and this will all end well. I never take into consideration his feelings or his thoughts or his opinions and not because I think I’m right and he’s wrong…but because I get so scared i just start vomiting at the mouth with my emotions. Continue reading “Mental Health Monday: Over-Explaining”

No New Makeup November…

Hey Yinz Guys & Happy Friday! We made it through yet another week, and can you believe it’s already November? Like I swear January was just last week. So with this new month comes new routines and new goals, and also time to start saving and shopping for Christmas next month. My sister also celebrates her 30th birthday this month and I will be traveling to see her in Philly so I need to save all my coins and monies for all the upcoming spending I will be doing this month and next. Continue reading “No New Makeup November…”

November: A New Routine Is Coming…

Ayyyye Yinz Guys and Happy November 1st! Yes…I’m ignoring the fact that my last post was in July…so yeah lol! But a lot has been going on with me, and I mean A LOT. From my love life to my personal life to my work life. I now work from home full time, I got a promotion and a nice little raise, my mental health has come leaps and bounds and while my physical health has taken a turn for the worse(no I’m not dying thankfully) I’m still here thoting and bopping. And speaking of thoting my love life…it’ still nonexistent. But I will hit on all these topics in their own blog post later this month, I promise. Continue reading “November: A New Routine Is Coming…”

All Summer 17…

Hey Yinz Guys, and Happy Wednesday! So we’ve once again made it to the end of another work week, and if you’re lucky like I am, its Pay Day too. So this friday I wanted to touch on my Summer 2017 Goals. Recently I’ve been so determined to make a ton of lifestyle changes, so I figured writing them down and sharing them on here would how keep me motivated and accountable. So here’s a list of my Summer 17 Goals. These are in no particular order.

  • Go to the gym at least 3x a week
  • Drink more water
  • Get a personal trainer
  • Become a better cook
  • Go back to school
  • New job
  • Save at least $500 dollars by the end of the summer
  • Get my passport(yes I know I’m slacking)
  • Post at least 2x a week on my blog
  • Wake up at 6am every morning on the weekdays and 8m on the weekends
  • Rad at least 3 books this summer
  • Visit Lake Erie at least twice this summer
  • Visit family in Florida
  • Visit DC
  • Visit Philly
  • Make it to at least one music festival
  • Take my medication everyday
  • Journal more
  • Write in my prayer journal twice a day(once in the morning and once at night)
  • Read 1 bible verse a day
  • Make it to at least one Steelers preseason game
  • Take one yoga class a week

So that’s it for my Summer 2017 Goals. So far I’ve been doing really well with making it to the gym and drinking more water. I’ll be looking into getting a personal trainer next month and I’ll be headed to the library this weekend to pick up some new books. So what about you, what are some of your summer goals for this year. I would love to read them in the comment section below, I may even borrow some of them for my own lol. As always, thank you so much for the support.

Peace Yinz Guys
#WhenIshHappens

Perpetual Heartbreak…

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I feel like I’m living in a constant state of perpetual heartbreak. When it comes to making sure my relationships work/last…it’s obvious that I’m missing something. I know the blame doesn’t completely fall just on me, but I’m also not sure what it is that I need to fix. Continue reading “Perpetual Heartbreak…”

I’m Not Impressed…

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I’m starting to realize that when it comes to relationships…I am my own worst enemy. I tend to get in my own way, my best hater.

I’m building something new with a guy that began rather quickly. Never have I had someone who is so honest with his feelings, so true with his words and not one bit embarrassed to tell me how he feels not only about anything but for me as well. He’s like everything I’ve been trying to pull out of these other guys…and yet I’m still not impressed aka “Happy”. Why is that? Like what is wrong with me that I can’t allow this dude to do what I’ve been wanting all my past dudes to do.

For example, last night he asked me a simple question…”What about me makes you feel that you can trust me?”. What my answer should have been was something like…”You make me feel safe…”, “Cause I feel like I can be honest with you…” Or even “Cause I want you to trust me..”. NOPE…I SAID NONE OF THOSE…instead my answer was “I’m not in the mood for sentimental shit, I’m watching basketball!”

BITCH WHAT THE FUCK? Like since when have I cared about some damn NBA, now if it was college ball, and it was my team Duke vs NC…then maybe I could see me saying that…but it was the Lakers against Golden State…I couldn’t even tell you a players name on Golden State. Yet I found it necessary to shut him down like that. Now granted…he busted them biscuits open a short 30mins later after I finished what I was eating, so I guess he wasn’t to moved by my statement. But I was sitting here thinking…what if he was. What if I just fucked up all the good shit that could possibly happen with him because I’m to scared to allow him in. I’m too scared to let him know I care…I’m too scared he might leave.

He has no idea but all last night I kept thinking about how things were going to end with us. Or I was thinking if he was mad at me about last night. Lately no matter what he does I seem to be “not impressed” with any of it, when really I’m in awe of everything he does. I’m amazed how he’s overcome such diversity and still continues to follow his dreams when most people would have quit, moved on and given up.

You see I know what it’s like to have a dream, what it’s like to want something so bad that you become so involved in it that you’re blind to others around you. Yet I can’t seem to allow myself to relate to him. He doesn’t know this, but I went and listed to his old work, and his word play to me is pretty fucking amazing. And it’s crazy to see how much he has grown in his passion for music. I only hope people see half the growth in my writing that I see in him as a rapper. Yet…a part of me is embarrassed that I feel this way for someone who is a mere mortal like myself. How can I be so infatuated with someone who has been in my life less then a month yet he will forever be a memory I hope to keep forever. Better yet why is he so comfortable around me to let me in and listen to such a important part of his being. Why me?

He does all of this, and I’m still not impressed…at least that’s how it looks on the outside. When really in the inside I’m twerkin’ with excitement for all his shit. Just another example of allowing my past to dictate my future and my sorrows to shine brighter then my happiness. I guess now that I have identified the problem the next step is to try an rectify it. Maybe I’ll even let him read this post before I actually post it…or better yet I’ll just tell him how I feel in person. Either way I need to fix things with him…and make sure I catch myself before I wreck myself.

Peace

****FYI: I waited to post this until he got to read it first. Took him 2 days to read it, but he finally did…and he loved it****

May 7, 2013…

So today is finally coming to an end, and what an unexpected and fun day it was. On the whim I decided to join my sister while she went to a free journalism workshop here at our local library, I can count how many life changing experiences I have had on my one hand…and this would definitely be one of them. Today was such a defining moment for me as a writer, it was like the teacher switched on the light and in an instant any dark thoughts I ever had about me being a writer was gone. And to think I laughed at my sister for trying to sign up for all these free activities at all the libraries here in Pittsburgh, now I can’t wait to return next week and I hope it continues for the whole summer and not just the next two days that they have scheduled.

I was so touched and inspired by this workshop that I was almost brought to tears. The teacher shared so much insight into what it means to be a writer/journalist that it would take me pages upon pages to actually describe here on my blog. So I will share my favorites…

  • Get It On Paper…
  • Go with what’s in your heart…
  • Honor whatever it is that you write…

We also discuss healing in writing, but that’s just too deep for me to even get into at this moment. All I can say is that today May 7, 2012 I now know that I am supposed to be a writer, that I am to continue to tell my story and by doing so I am indeed doing what’s best for me. The even crazier part is that I was in the middle of writing a blog post discussing how I was truly ready to follow my dream…and along came this opportunity to attend a workshop that only a few minutes I had no idea my sister had signed up for. Not only did I share my writing for the first time out loud, but it was also in front of complete strangers. I don’t know, I’m just on such a natural high from this evening that I can’t wait to go back, today has been such a blessing…it was definitely something that I needed.

What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business…

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One of the hardest things for me to get over is the idea of someone bad mouthing me, especially when it’s someone I cared about.

As I lay up in my bed I think about all the things that “Last Guy” could be saying about me right now. I know he’s telling ppl I’m crazy and a huge drama queen. He’s prob speaking badly about and blaming me for everything!

The worst part about it is that people are probably going to believe him too! Which makes me really upset. At times like these I have to repeat to myself a quote I heard Mya Angelou say “What you think of me is none of my business”. Basically why worry about something that you have no control of. They can think and well possibly in this case say what they feel about you…that doesn’t necessarily make it true. Especially if your good character speaks for itself.

So it’s like at the end of the day…I know who I am, and what I’ve done. I know my rights and wrongs…and I know when I’ve done too much or let my emotions get the best of me. My family and closet friends also know the true me…so why worry about what someone who is a minute character in your life has to say about you!

I don’t know much…but I know that if I let every negative thing said about me affect me…I would have only defeated myself!

~Sent from my iPhone~

My Own Worst Enemy…

For most of my life, I have always felt like the odd one out.  I was the weird girl, the ugly friend/sister and the girl who just doesn’t belong…ANYWHERE. For years I spent most of my life apologizing for who I was/am. I never felt that I was good enough or good at anything. Now at 26, I still sometimes deal with doubt, but as I mature I’m starting to realize that it is just “SELF” doubt.

Most things that I think are horribly wrong with me are just in my head.